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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?